Today I received an email that insinuated that two or more of my professors had been discussing my work and behavior in class. The email was mostly positive, highlighting my involvement inside and outside the classroom. However, one of the lines noted that I was sometimes too comfortable with my opinions — and it wasn’t just his class that I was displaying this behavior. I have always known that my personality attracts all sorts of attention, but I wondered all day about one thing: What are my professors saying about me?
I know I am someone who can cause a major stink in the department. Recently, an open letter was published to my school about the courses, registration, and the professionalism of the staff. I know the individual(s) who wrote this letter, and in a booming voice I announced who wrote it to the entire class. I have a history of being boisterous too. Something within me feels compelled to speak my truth and let the words flow out of me.
Sitting down with my professors usually leads to high praise. You are a natural writer, Tyler, they say. I am happy with how involved you are, Tyler. Keep on writing, Tyler. Perhaps the double-edged sword to these compliments is tainted by my inability to shut up. I don’t know whether it is my attention-seeking personality or my need to command the room, but today was a day when I thought about the conversations people may be having about me outside the classroom.
There’s a time and place for everything, and I sometimes wonder if I miss the mark. I don’t have to try very hard in many of my classes, and I think my professors realize this. I get bored and so does my ability to keep my voice down. Some days, all I want to do is share my thoughts out loud. That’s why I write this newsletter before bed every night.
It’s been two months since I started writing this newsletter. People tell me all the time that I am going to burn out, but I think without this platform, I would go off the rails. Sometimes all I want to do is yap, argue, and sing until the end of class. On my days off, I sit and wonder if my professors have just given up on trying to control my antics. At the end of the day, seeing people’s faces lit up at my joke or loud comment is one of the best feelings. My question is: Do my professors notice?
TJL